As I recently discovered, buying an engagement ring is a very intimidating task. For the benefit of all you single guys out there who might need this info later, I'd like to share a few tips about buying an engagement ring:
7 Tips on Shopping for an Engagement Ring
1. When in the presence of the salespeople try to refer to the diamonds only as "Ice" or "rocks." This not only makes you look cool to other shoppers, but may intimidate the staff, resulting in lower prices for you later.
2. In the event that they hand you a loose stone to look at, it really is funny to pretend that you've dropped it. For maximum effect, you can then accuse the woman next to you of picking it up with her toes and hiding it. You can get the entire staff of the jewlery store involved in this madcap game!
3. When the saleperson quotes you a price, it's OK to cry out to the lord for strength. It really does help relieve some of the anxiety, and it's not as uncommon as you might think.
4. If possible bring some things from home that you don't like anymore and try to barter for your diamond engagement ring. A Betamax VCR, all of your baseball cards, and those old roller skates might get you half off that ring.
5. Learn about the three C's and the R. We're talking Carat weight, Clarity, Color, Cut, and Ripeness. Let's skip the C's. The salespeople will drone on and on about those things. Sure you want to get a good carat weight and stuff, but what good is all of that if the diamond turns all squishy in a week. Make sure they don't try to sell you one of those "over-ripe diamonds."
When you pick up the ring make sure you hold the diamond up in front of the sales person and tap the stone firmly on top at least three times. (The salesperson should then immediately know they are dealing with a serious customer.) You should hear a nice solid plop, plop, plop.
If you hear a tinny plip, plip, plip sound, that indicates that the diamond has been picked too early and will never get fully sparkly. You should put that one back for the next sucker to purchase. If you hear a very faint sound or no sound it all that means that the diamond was in the ground too long and is now over-ripe. It will reach it's full sparkliness, however within a few weeks it will start to get all squishy and may even begin to ooze diamond juice. That bargain ring won't look like such a bargain once your fiance's freinds are laughing at the diamond juice oozing down her hand.
6. Resist the temptation to use your new diamond engagement ring to cut holes in the glass of various cars in the jewlery store parking lot. The Jewelry store security guards are on the lookout for this and they will NOT think it is as funny as you do.
7. After purchasing the ring, try to avoid super villains at all costs. There are always on the look out for a "diamond" to put in their giant "laser."
Now that you've got all the info you need to get a diamond ring, go forth and propose.
Pictures of Cristina's Ring:
